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December 30th, 2008
08:59 am - 12 Days of Christmas Challenge Day 5 Character Deaths post 3/4.5
Written for 12 Days of Christmas Challenge
Title: He has awaken'd from the dream of life
Author: Localfreak
Fandom: Harry Potter
Ship: Gennish. Implied RL/SB
Summary: To lose Sirius once was bad enough. Set shortly after Sirius falls through the veil
It hurts, oh God it hurts to lose him again. The room is nothing but a wasted shell in a decaying house without Sirius’ presence to liven it up. Remus has cried so much he feels sick. To see his friend go through that veil, and to have to be the one to hold Harry back when he’d just as soon have jumped through himself if there could have been some hope, some brief chance.
Sirius…wasn’t all that sane after Azkaban, and keeping him in the house had only made it worse. Remus looks at the meticulously torn pieces of paper, ripped in equal lengths along the sides as if in some sort of arcane pattern of spell casting. Monotonous repetitive activity; Remus had caught Sirius at it once or twice, rocking or ripping things and held him until the urges subsided. Remus wondered if only Sirius had been allowed to go outside-or stay somewhere else other than this mausoleum of bad memories, whether that would have helped him.
His tears were couched in guilt, hadn’t he only complained to himself, only a few days before, that he was sick of being more carer than friend. He’d immediately regretted it and now- and now- it was as if he could do nothing to atone for his petty griping. Oh, Sirius! To lose him to Azkaban had been pain, then this was agony; worse than transformations in a way.
And how revoltingly ironic that the only Marauder with a chronic condition, doomed to a shortened lifespan, had outlived the others (for Peter was as good as dead the moment he switched sides)? Remus felt sick with the sorrow of it.
He almost wished, then, that he could join his friends sooner, rather than later.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, nor the title which was filched from the poem that gave me the idea
"Peace, peace! He is not dead, he doth not sleep,
He hath awaken'd from the dream of life;
'Tis we, who lost in stormy visions, keep
With phantoms an unprofitable strife,
And in mad trance, strike with our spirit's knife
Invulnerable nothings. We decay
Like corpses in a charnel; fear and grief
Convulse us and consume us day by day,
And cold hopes swarm like worms within our living clay.
He has outsoared the shadow of our night;
Envy and calumny and hate and pain,
And that unrest which men miscall delight,
Can touch him not and torture not again;
From the contagion of the world's slow stain
He is secure, and now can never mourn
A heart grown cold, a head grown grey in vain;
Nor, when the spirit's self has ceased to burn,
With sparkless ashes load an unlamented urn.
"
from Shelley's Adonais which can be read here
part 1
part 2
part 4
part 4.5
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Comments:
Oh Remus. *hugs him*
And oh, Sirius. I've been known to do the rocking thing sometimes, and oh. There really is no happy ending.
Thanks. Lol, No happy endings where I'm concerned- my cheery 'weddings' ones were quite the anomaly.
Oh, REMUS - that's awful. Ack. *has read a lot of death fics by now, may be becoming somewhat incoherent* This one is very good, though; love the details about Sirius's mental difficulties and about Remus's resentment.
:) thank you. And hugs because I know wallowing in deathfics can get deeply depressing.
Oh God, that's so sad. I love the detail of Sirius doing repetitive things, it really makes sense. And Remus's anger and distress works so well. Absolutely brilliant. |
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